The Uncontested Weirdness of Vintage “Happy New Year” Postcards

With the new year on approach, these vintage “HAPPY NEW YEAR” postcard images deserve a second look. A double-take, really. What the actual hell was going on with New Years of yore?

The Danish know how to party like it's 1883. "Quick! Grab sausage, booze and pretzels! And skis!" This is all kinds of crazy.

Sausage, booze, pretzels, group ski. Apparently the Danish were rad AF in 1899.

 

Nothing says "Happy New Year" like gettin' boozy with the baby.

Resolution: Spend more time gettin’ boozy with the baby.

 

Charging into the new year on the back of a beetle. Because ...bugs?

Charging into the new year on the back of a beetle = goals.

 

Who wants to start the new year with a rain of champagne dropped from a zepplin by scary clown-apes. And cheap champagne, cause that bottle's HUGE.

Ringing in the new year with a rain of champagne dropped from a zeppelin full of clown-apes.

 

Raise your glass if you are five. WTH. Maybe baby-sitters were a 20th century thing.

Starting the New Year with a savage side-eye from your lit kid.

 

The gal isn't having a happy new year. She's four glasses in a giving a 'piss off' toast to her ex.

The gal’s four glasses in… and giving a ‘piss off’ toast to her ex. Or the previous year. Whatever. Piss off.

 

Running off the pigs of the previous year by beating them with shamrocks. Sounds legit.

Running off the previous year’s pigs by beating them with shamrocks.

 

Your previous year is at an end. The new year dawns. Prepare to be disciplined.

Your previous year is at an end. The new year dawns. Prepare to be disciplined.

 

The message: "If you get her drunk enough..." This guy's face just screams roofie.

An early example of vintage roofie face.

 

Why even send this card? Clearly your thirsty recipient would rather just have a damn bottle. Cheap ass.

Why even send this card? Clearly the thirsty recipient would rather just have a damn bottle. Cheap ass.

 

Happy New Year, Clumsy McButterfingers!

Happy New Year, Clumsy McButterfingers.

 

Wishing you a Happy New Year and Goose that spits money. Into a spitoon.

A New Year Goose that spits money. Into a spittoon. Why did this go away?

 

 

Let's see...a winged baby, a wicked scythe, an hourglass...and a box. Hmmm.. I'm thinking that time's running out and OMG!! What's in the BOX? What's in the BAHHH-XXxxx?

Winged baby, wicked scythe, an hourglass…and something awful in the New Year box? Probably 2016 in that box.

 

Maybe this vintage gem was sent by abstainers to their more festive friends to put them off their New Year's Eve drinking plans. HOwever, according to this image, he should be most afraid of the foot odor demons the next day. The person who sends this is not your friend.

Maybe this vintage gem was sent by abstainers to put friends off their New Year’s Eve drinking plans. However, according to this postcard, the foot odor is the real demon here.

 

This postcard's message seems pretty clear. "Hey 1888. Go die in a fire."

This postcard’s message seems pretty clear.
“Hey 1888. Go die in a fire.”  FACT: 1900’s sentiment, still timely in the 21st century.

 

Party on, vintage people. I like your New Year’s style.

 

 

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